Why Did We Break Up? ... Asked 20 Years Later

After any relationship ends, both sides have questions. The "why's" and "what if's" run rampant. These questions are worse for the relationship breakee than the breaker.

What would you say to an ex that appeared on Facebook, MySpace or some other venue where you could respond without being face to face and he/she asked you "Why did we break up?"

Would you tell the truth? Would you make up some lame answer to get out of the dreaded question?  Would you respond at all?

Well, that's exactly what happened to me.  Here's our conversation from the other night...
 
Ex: (8:15)
Um....... when you left me, you said you were pregnant, and I can't help but wonder as I have ever since....

Me: (8:26)
wow...talk about going back

No, the pregnancy didn't survive.

Ex: (8:30)
Oh, I have wondered all these years.....I never forgot.

Me: (8:36)
I thought you knew...

Ex: (8:39)
Since the evening I dropped you off where you wanted to be, I haven't heard from you, that's partly my fault too......

Me: (8:51)
We were young and stupid and rushed into things.

Ex: (8:57)
That may be true, we may have rushed out too??? but either way the past is behind, and the future ahead. I just wondered all this time that's all. It kinda drove me a little nuts a times.

Me: (9:05)
Every ended relationship leaves unanswered questions.

Ex: (9:21)
I'm still not even sure why it ended..... and now after years we run into each other again, makes me wonder some more...... I wasn't really in a hurry...

Me: (10:14)
Why did our relationship end?

Well, that's not a question that is normally answered 20 odd years later. LOL

But the question is, do you really want to know? I don't know if my answer will hurt your feelings or not. Or if the not knowing is better or worse. That's something for you to decide.

It's easier for me to look back and know the reasons why, than it would have been if you had asked me then.

Ex: (10:35)
True, it has been a while.

The past has hardened me in a way that my feelings are not hurt so easily anymore. The truth is not always easy to swallow, but it helps one to grow when one has honest answers.

I can't be angry anyone for being honest.

Me: (11:10)
The truth of the matter, is that you were a rebound relationship.

I don't know how much you remember. But my husband had been shipped off to prison and I was left to raise my son. Our relationship started shortly after that.

Obviously that isn't the answer I would have given you 20 years ago. I probably would have made up some excuse, but in reality, I was young and had too much going on and just ran away rather than deal with it. If it hadn't been you, it would have been the next relationship I would have run from because it was a transition from my marriage.

Ex: (12:31)
Well that makes sense, in a way.... I guess, I was helpful. I really did love you, and it hurt a lot more that you left in the first place with no explanation.

I enjoyed the evening we spent with your parents, that's the only time I played bridge, never really understood the game, but it was fun anyway. Also enjoyed going to church the one time we went. Lutheran church was a new experience for me.

Does it surprise you that I remember these things?

Me: (12:52)
It wasn't Bridge, it was Euchre ;)

But yes, I am surprised as we weren't together that long.

Ex: (1:00)
I would almost swear it was bridge, maybe it was both..... :~}

Me: (1:05)
LOL Well I've never played Bridge a day in my life, so it must've been someone else :p

So, there it is. An anxiety ridden conversation.

Laundry

 This is a laundry hamper.  It has but one use. To hold dirty laundry. 

I have always owned a laundry hamper of some sort.  Whether it be a laundry basket or an actual laundry hamper, the concept is not new in my house.  This particular laundry hamper has been owned by us for 9 years and 3 months.  I know this because I bought it when we purchased our first home.  I do not move it around to various parts of the house.  It has one home: in this tiny crook outside of the bedrooms.  I love my family and I'm willing to break my back as I carry this hamper downstairs so that I may wash/dry/fold/put away the laundry. 

But...

I am fed up with being the only one that knows how to use it.  Seriously.

Clothing does not belong on the kitchen chair.  I realize you were hot when you came in the house dear husband.  But the laundry room is one room over.  You PASSED through the laundry room to take off and toss your shirt here.  (Notice I failed to remove the previous days shirt.  Leaving it there doesn't help).

One moment please while I count the steps to the laundry room.....

5 steps TO the laundry room.  3 steps to the laundry organizer.  Not that any of them would understand the concept of separating whites and darks since they clearly don't how to use a laundry hamper.  

Don't think for a second that as a male grows older that he learns.  They don't. 

Case in point:

These 3 pairs of socks belong to my father. As if he's going to wear them again.  He's not. If he was, there wouldn't be 3 pair there.

While you would expect the kitchen to be the last place in the house to typically have dirty laundry, the living room is not immune either.

This shirt is actually atop another.  Like my husband and his use of the kitchen chair, my father has deemed this his location to hold his dirty shirts.

From old to young, even the teenager leaves his clothes lying around.  However, his are always in his bedroom and either left on the floor or on his bed. 

Like our teenage son, my dear, sweet husband also leaves his dirty clothes on the floor.  I would like to point out here that these clothes are 19 inches from the doorway.  If you look at the picture of the hamper at the top, you'll notice that the hamper is just outside of a doorway.  

Yes, it is the exact same doorway. 

Now if you're going to wear clothing for about an hour or so, there's really no point in putting it in the dirty laundry, right?  I mean, you could just fold it up and put it back in the drawer.  

That was my husband's intention.

Except, when he went to bed last night, they ended up on the floor with the rest of the dirty laundry.

 

 My husband had a job interview last week.  These are the clothes he wore. He was told he'd have a second interview.  So he's planning on wearing these again.  

The problem: We own 5 cats.

The bigger problem: I'm not moving them.  

The biggest problem: He really needs a job.  I really need him to get a job.  Damn.  I guess I'll move them to the hamper.  Tomorrow. 

Divorce Would Be Bad Because?

Ever have one of those days when a divorce/break up with your significant other just sounds like bliss?  You'd have the bed all to yourself.  You wouldn't have to clean up after him (as in picking up his dirty laundry that he throws on the ground only 2 feet away from the hamper).  It'd be one less person to cook for, and you'd no longer have to address his likes/dislikes when cooking OR you can get your favorite toppings on pizza when you're too tired to cook. 

Then there's the "my side" of the bedroom and "his side" that would all be yours and CLEAN!

Oh, and then there's the television dispute.  I want to watch shows like Glee, Drop Dead Diva, Grey's Anatomy or The Biggest Loser.  He wants to watch Dirty Jobs (okay, I'll watch that, but not a marathon of 10 in a row, okay?), Junkyard Wars or that stupid show with Chip Foose where they rebuild old cars that I can't think of the name of.  Don't get me wrong, we do watch SOME of the same shows like Bones, Big Bang Theory and NCIS. 

None of this mattered before in my marriage.  Then, my husband became unemployed.  Not just for a couple of days or weeks, or even months, but for over a YEAR now.  Politicians are going to cause my divorce if they don't do something about the economy.  Soon!

You see, we had a system.  He would work, I would clean.  He'd come home from work, we'd eat dinner together and he'd go watch tv in the living room.  I would go to my room and watch my shows that I liked.  Life was good.  

Then...unemployment.  

I'm left with someone home snacking ALL day dirtying more dishes.  COOKING lunches and creating more dishes.  I mean really, I never use that many dishes when I cook!  Then to irritate me make matters worse, in his ultimate boredom state a couple of months ago, he decided to finally look into HAM radios.  OMG!!!  Are you freakin kidding me?  MORE wires laying around the house!  Oh, and scroll back up and look at the picture on his side.  See that?  ....

THAT stupid ass picture hanging up is not a picture at all, its his ham radio license.  Because the FCC states that if you're on the air, you have to have your license in plain view.  Right.  Because the FCC has nothing better to do than drive out to the middle of nowhere in the country to make sure YOU have your license hanging up.  Hey FCC...it's freakin hanging up now? Okay?  Could someone PLEASE come and tell him its okay to put the damn thing in a drawer and stop messing up my decorating.  As if he couldn't hang it up in the garage in HIS territory!!!!  Grrrrrr....

I love my husband.  I love my husband.  I love my husband.

But he better get a job.  SOON!