Laundry

 This is a laundry hamper.  It has but one use. To hold dirty laundry. 

I have always owned a laundry hamper of some sort.  Whether it be a laundry basket or an actual laundry hamper, the concept is not new in my house.  This particular laundry hamper has been owned by us for 9 years and 3 months.  I know this because I bought it when we purchased our first home.  I do not move it around to various parts of the house.  It has one home: in this tiny crook outside of the bedrooms.  I love my family and I'm willing to break my back as I carry this hamper downstairs so that I may wash/dry/fold/put away the laundry. 

But...

I am fed up with being the only one that knows how to use it.  Seriously.

Clothing does not belong on the kitchen chair.  I realize you were hot when you came in the house dear husband.  But the laundry room is one room over.  You PASSED through the laundry room to take off and toss your shirt here.  (Notice I failed to remove the previous days shirt.  Leaving it there doesn't help).

One moment please while I count the steps to the laundry room.....

5 steps TO the laundry room.  3 steps to the laundry organizer.  Not that any of them would understand the concept of separating whites and darks since they clearly don't how to use a laundry hamper.  

Don't think for a second that as a male grows older that he learns.  They don't. 

Case in point:

These 3 pairs of socks belong to my father. As if he's going to wear them again.  He's not. If he was, there wouldn't be 3 pair there.

While you would expect the kitchen to be the last place in the house to typically have dirty laundry, the living room is not immune either.

This shirt is actually atop another.  Like my husband and his use of the kitchen chair, my father has deemed this his location to hold his dirty shirts.

From old to young, even the teenager leaves his clothes lying around.  However, his are always in his bedroom and either left on the floor or on his bed. 

Like our teenage son, my dear, sweet husband also leaves his dirty clothes on the floor.  I would like to point out here that these clothes are 19 inches from the doorway.  If you look at the picture of the hamper at the top, you'll notice that the hamper is just outside of a doorway.  

Yes, it is the exact same doorway. 

Now if you're going to wear clothing for about an hour or so, there's really no point in putting it in the dirty laundry, right?  I mean, you could just fold it up and put it back in the drawer.  

That was my husband's intention.

Except, when he went to bed last night, they ended up on the floor with the rest of the dirty laundry.

 

 My husband had a job interview last week.  These are the clothes he wore. He was told he'd have a second interview.  So he's planning on wearing these again.  

The problem: We own 5 cats.

The bigger problem: I'm not moving them.  

The biggest problem: He really needs a job.  I really need him to get a job.  Damn.  I guess I'll move them to the hamper.  Tomorrow. 

How I Met Your Step-Father

Future Ted: Kids, I'm going to tell you an incredible story, the story of how I met your mother.

Ted's Son: Are we being punished or something?

Future Ted: No.

Ted's Daughter: Dad, is this gonna take a while?

Future Ted: Yes. Twenty-five years ago, before I was Dad, I had this whole other life...

Wait….this isn’t How I Met Your Mother….this is How I Met Your Step-Father.  So, have a seat kids, and I’ll tell you the story on how I met your step-father Eric:

Back in March of 1989, I was 19.  I was married but planning on getting a divorce since my husband was in prison (okay, that’s another story!).   Anyways, I ran into Mark at a local convenience store.  I had known Mark since I was 13.  He was my 1^st love and we had dated on and off for 2 years (You know how teens are when it comes to relationships).  So we exchanged phone numbers to keep in contact and we began dating again immediately.  About a month into our new found relationship, I met Eric.  Eric was best friends with Mark.  Now, I will admit I thought he was cute.  But I was in a relationship with Mark, so I didn’t have eyes for anyone else. 

 Mark was the really jealous type.  I mean, really jealous.  If another guy was within 500 feet of me, he was accusing me of having an affair.  This meant that any time one of his friends was around; I disappeared into the background to avoid any potential fights (Of course, later on, I found out the reason he was always accusing me of having affairs was because he was doing it).  Needless to say, I didn’t really get to know Eric all that well.  While he was best friends with Mark, he was a mere acquaintance to me. 

Mark and I had a tumultuous relationship for 4 years, but ended up getting married in June 1993.  A month after our wedding, he lost his job.  He began to fill his days by drinking them away.    It didn’t take long for us to lose contact with all of our friends.  He was either at the bar or at home drinking and I was working or tending to the kids.  Almost three years later on February 22, 1996, I’d had it.  While he was at the bar, I packed up the kids (we had 2, and I had one from my previous marriage), quit my job and left without looking back. 

I moved in with my mother and managed to get 2 part-time jobs (this was when jobs were actually available).  I worked mornings while the two older boys were at school and midnights while they were sleeping.  One night while working my waitressing job, I walked up to one of my tables, did a quick head count and offered drinks.  A familiar voice said, “Fine, don’t say hi.”  I looked up to see Eric sitting at the table.  I dropped the pad of invoices to the ground as my jaw dropped because I hadn’t seen him since my wedding day.  He informed me he was married and proceeded to ask me how Mark was and I began rambling about how I had left him (that’s when his jaw dropped LOL).  I didn’t go into full details because he was with a group of friends, so he asked for my phone number so he could get the full story the next day. 

So, as you can see, the first time we met was not the beginning of our relationship.  The second time we met began the journey of our relationship, but honestly, I was not looking for another man in my life and he was married, so neither of us looked at each other in that way.  

AW C'MON, MY STORY DIDN'T TAKE THAT LONG!

Next time on How I Met Your Step-Father:

He did call. We spent a lot of time together becoming friends over the next 6 weeks.  He left his wife 3 days before his 1 year anniversary.  He stayed at a hotel for one night.  He moved in with me.  My ex-husband stalked us for 3 months.  His ex-wife stalked us for 6 months.  We married 4 years later.  We celebrate our 10 year anniversary in September of 2010.