Monday, July 26, 2010

Why Did We Break Up? ... Asked 20 Years Later

After any relationship ends, both sides have questions. The "why's" and "what if's" run rampant. These questions are worse for the relationship breakee than the breaker.

What would you say to an ex that appeared on Facebook, MySpace or some other venue where you could respond without being face to face and he/she asked you "Why did we break up?"

Would you tell the truth? Would you make up some lame answer to get out of the dreaded question?  Would you respond at all?

Well, that's exactly what happened to me.  Here's our conversation from the other night...
Ex: (8:15)
Um....... when you left me, you said you were pregnant, and I can't help but wonder as I have ever since....

Me: (8:26) about going back

No, the pregnancy didn't survive.

Ex: (8:30)
Oh, I have wondered all these years.....I never forgot.

Me: (8:36)
I thought you knew...

Ex: (8:39)
Since the evening I dropped you off where you wanted to be, I haven't heard from you, that's partly my fault too......

Me: (8:51)
We were young and stupid and rushed into things.

Ex: (8:57)
That may be true, we may have rushed out too??? but either way the past is behind, and the future ahead. I just wondered all this time that's all. It kinda drove me a little nuts a times.

Me: (9:05)
Every ended relationship leaves unanswered questions.

Ex: (9:21)
I'm still not even sure why it ended..... and now after years we run into each other again, makes me wonder some more...... I wasn't really in a hurry...

Me: (10:14)
Why did our relationship end?

Well, that's not a question that is normally answered 20 odd years later. LOL

But the question is, do you really want to know? I don't know if my answer will hurt your feelings or not. Or if the not knowing is better or worse. That's something for you to decide.

It's easier for me to look back and know the reasons why, than it would have been if you had asked me then.

Ex: (10:35)
True, it has been a while.

The past has hardened me in a way that my feelings are not hurt so easily anymore. The truth is not always easy to swallow, but it helps one to grow when one has honest answers.

I can't be angry anyone for being honest.

Me: (11:10)
The truth of the matter, is that you were a rebound relationship.

I don't know how much you remember. But my husband had been shipped off to prison and I was left to raise my son. Our relationship started shortly after that.

Obviously that isn't the answer I would have given you 20 years ago. I probably would have made up some excuse, but in reality, I was young and had too much going on and just ran away rather than deal with it. If it hadn't been you, it would have been the next relationship I would have run from because it was a transition from my marriage.

Ex: (12:31)
Well that makes sense, in a way.... I guess, I was helpful. I really did love you, and it hurt a lot more that you left in the first place with no explanation.

I enjoyed the evening we spent with your parents, that's the only time I played bridge, never really understood the game, but it was fun anyway. Also enjoyed going to church the one time we went. Lutheran church was a new experience for me.

Does it surprise you that I remember these things?

Me: (12:52)
It wasn't Bridge, it was Euchre ;)

But yes, I am surprised as we weren't together that long.

Ex: (1:00)
I would almost swear it was bridge, maybe it was both..... :~}

Me: (1:05)
LOL Well I've never played Bridge a day in my life, so it must've been someone else :p

So, there it is. An anxiety ridden conversation.


amanda said...

Somewhere on this beast I have a few conversations saved...I'd probably be beheaded for posting them for all and sundry...then again, I don't know who would read it who would have a clue, so there we are. lol

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